Fruits of the Spirit
Explore the nine fruits of the Spirit mentioned in Galatians 5:22-23. Learn how to cultivate love,
joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
9 Lessons
Includes Family Activities
Introduction to the Fruits of the Spirit
In Galatians 5:22-23, the apostle Paul writes: "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience,
kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law."
These nine characteristics—often called the "fruits of the Spirit"—describe the visible growth that
happens in our lives when the Holy Spirit works within us. Unlike spiritual gifts, which are distributed
differently among believers, the fruits of the Spirit are to be cultivated by every follower of Christ.
The metaphor of fruit is significant: fruit requires time to grow, develops in the right conditions, and
reveals the health of the tree that produces it. Likewise, these character qualities develop gradually in our
lives, flourish in the proper spiritual environment, and reveal the genuine nature of our relationship with
Christ.
This nine-lesson study explores each fruit in depth, offering biblical insights, practical applications,
personal reflection questions, and family activities to help every member of your household understand
and cultivate these spiritual qualities. Whether studied individually, as a family, or in a small group, these
lessons will guide you toward a life that naturally bears the beautiful and powerful fruit of God's Spirit.
Lesson 1: Love - The Foundation of All Fruits
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor
others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not
delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always
perseveres. Love never fails." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a
Biblical Understanding
The Greek word used for "love" in Galatians 5:22 is "agape"—denoting a sacrificial, unconditional love
that seeks the highest good of the other person regardless of feelings or circumstances. This is not
merely affection or romantic love but a deliberate choice to value others and act in their best interest.
Jesus identified love as the hallmark of His followers: "By this everyone will know that you are my
disciples, if you love one another" (John 13:35). He also summarized the entire law with the dual
command to love God and love our neighbors (Matthew 22:37-40). All other fruits of the Spirit flow from
and are expressions of this foundational quality.
Practical Growth Steps
1. Study Love's Description: Regularly meditate on 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. Which aspects of love come
naturally to you? Which are more challenging?
2. Practice Selfless Actions: Identify one person in your life whom you find difficult to love. Commit to
performing one selfless act for them weekly, without expectation of recognition or return.
3. Address Love Blockers: What hinders your ability to love others—past hurts, prejudices, self-
centeredness? Bring these before God in prayer, asking for healing and transformation.
4. Express Appreciation: Make a habit of voicing specific things you value about others. Love affirms
worth and recognizes the image of God in every person.
5. Expand Your Circle: Jesus called us to love even our enemies (Matthew 5:44). Intentionally extend
compassion to someone outside your comfortable social circle.
Personal Reflection Questions
When have you experienced unconditional love from another person? How did it affect you?
In what relationships or situations do you find it most difficult to love? Why?
How does God's love for you serve as a model for how you should love others?
What's the difference between feeling love and acting in love?
How might growing in love impact your other relationships and responsibilities?
Family Activity: Love in Action Week
Materials Needed:
Paper hearts (one for each family member for each day of the week)
Markers or pens
Container labeled "Love in Action"
Instructions:
1. Gather the family and discuss what love looks like in everyday actions. Read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
together in a child-friendly translation.
2. Give each family member seven paper hearts and have them write their name on each one.
3. Each morning, every family member draws someone else's heart from the container. That person
becomes their secret "love assignment" for the day.
4. Throughout the day, each person performs acts of love for their assigned family member—perhaps
helping with a chore, writing an encouraging note, giving up the favorite seat, or offering a genuine
compliment.
5. At dinner, everyone tries to guess who was showing them love that day, and the "secret lovers" reveal
themselves.
6. Discuss:
How did it feel to receive love today?
Was it easier to show love knowing you were assigned to do so?
How is this similar to or different from how God loves us?
7. Return the hearts to the container for the next day.
After completing the week, create a family love pledge together, identifying specific ways your family
wants to show love to each other and to others beyond your family.
Lesson 2: Joy - Beyond Happiness
"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I
will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior." - Habakkuk 3:17-18
Biblical Understanding
The joy described as fruit of the Spirit is not the same as happiness, which depends on favorable
circumstances. Spiritual joy is a deep-seated gladness that remains regardless of external conditions—
rooted in relationship with God rather than comfortable situations.
Throughout Scripture, we see joy expressed even amid suffering. Paul and Silas sang hymns in prison
(Acts 16:25). James urged believers to "consider it pure joy" when facing trials (James 1:2). Jesus endured
the cross "for the joy set before him" (Hebrews 12:2). This joy flows from confidence in God's character,
promises, and ultimate triumph over evil.
Nehemiah 8:10 declares that "the joy of the LORD is your strength," suggesting that joy isn't just an
emotion but a spiritual resource that empowers believers through difficulties. This explains how Christians
throughout history have maintained joy even during persecution and hardship.
Practical Growth Steps
1. Practice Gratitude: Begin or end each day by writing down three specific things you're thankful for.
Gratitude shifts our focus from what's wrong to what's right.
2. Identify Joy Stealers: What consistently robs you of joy—comparison, complaint, worry, unrealistic
expectations? Develop specific strategies to counter each joy thief.
3. Create a Joy Memory Bank: Collect tangible reminders of meaningful moments, answered prayers,
and God's faithfulness. Review these when joy feels elusive.
4. Choose Joy-Filled Community: Surround yourself with people who nurture joy rather than
negativity. Joy is contagious—in both directions.
5. Engage in Worship: Regular praise lifts our eyes from problems to the Problem-Solver. Make
worship music part of your daily environment.
Personal Reflection Questions
What's the difference between joy and happiness in your experience?
When have you experienced joy despite difficult circumstances? What made this possible?
Which biblical promises give you the most joy when you remember them?
How might your perspective on current challenges change if you viewed them through the lens of
joy?
In what ways does joy impact your witness to non-believers?
Family Activity: Joy Jar
Materials Needed:
Mason jar or other clear container
Decorative supplies (ribbon, stickers, etc.)
Small pieces of paper
Pens or markers
Instructions:
1. Work together to decorate a "Joy Jar" for your family.
2. Place the jar, along with small papers and pens, in a central location in your home.
3. Throughout the week, encourage family members to write down moments of joy, answered prayers,
or things they're thankful for, and place them in the jar.
4. Set aside a regular time (perhaps Sunday dinner) to pull out and read the joy notes together.
5. For younger children, you can:
Help them draw pictures of things that bring joy
Take photos of joyful moments to place in the jar
Record their verbal responses and write them down
6. After reading the notes, discuss:
Were any of the joy moments unexpected?
Did looking for joy change how you experienced the week?
How can we find joy even on hard days?
7. Keep the jar going indefinitely, and on particularly challenging days, pull out some joy notes as
reminders of God's faithfulness.
Extended Activity: Create "Joy Jars" as gifts for others who might need encouragement, pre-filling them
with Scripture verses about joy and small items that represent reasons for joy.
Lesson 3: Peace - Tranquility in Turbulence
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your
hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." - John 14:27
Biblical Understanding
The biblical concept of peace (Hebrew: "shalom," Greek: "eirene") extends far beyond the absence of
conflict. It encompasses wholeness, completeness, and harmony—first with God, then with others and
within ourselves. This multi-dimensional peace is a fruit of the Spirit that can flourish even in turbulent
circumstances.
Philippians 4:6-7 promises "the peace of God, which transcends all understanding" when we bring our
anxieties to Him in prayer. This supernatural peace stands guard over our hearts and minds when
everything external suggests we should be overwhelmed. Jesus demonstrated this peace by sleeping
during a storm (Mark 4:35-41) and maintaining calm composure throughout His trial and crucifixion.
While we cannot always control our circumstances, we can experience this inner serenity that comes from
trusting God's sovereign control, eternal perspective, and unfailing love. This peace becomes both a
blessing to us and a powerful witness to others.
Practical Growth Steps
1. Identify Peace Disruptors: What consistently disturbs your peace—information overload, difficult
relationships, financial worries? Create boundaries around these areas.
2. Establish Peace Practices: Develop daily habits that foster inner calm—perhaps a technology-free
hour, a quiet morning routine, or an evening prayer walk.
3. Meditate on Scripture: Regularly reflect on peace-focused verses like Isaiah 26:3, John 16:33, or
Romans 8:6. Let these truths replace anxious thoughts.
4. Practice Presence: Train yourself to live fully in the current moment rather than anxiously anticipating
future problems or ruminating on past difficulties.
5. Pursue Reconciliation: Unresolved conflicts drain our peace. Take initiative to address relational
tensions with wisdom and courage.
Personal Reflection Questions
How would you describe the difference between worldly peace and God's peace?
In what area of your life do you most need to experience peace right now?
What thought patterns most frequently disrupt your sense of peace?
How does your relationship with God affect your experience of peace?
When have you witnessed someone displaying supernatural peace during difficulty? What impact did
it have?
Family Activity: Peace Jars
Materials Needed:
Small jars or bottles with lids (one per family member)
Water
Glitter in various colors
Baby oil or glycerin (optional, makes the glitter fall more slowly)
Super glue (for sealing lids)
Bible verses about peace, printed on small strips of paper
Decorative materials (ribbon, stickers, etc.)
Instructions:
1. Discuss with your family what peace means and how it's different from just "being quiet" or "not
fighting." Read John 14:27 together.
2. Give each family member a jar and explain that they will create a "peace jar" that can serve as a visual
reminder of God's peace.
3. Have each person fill their jar about 3/4 full with water. Add a few drops of baby oil or glycerin if
available.
4. Let each person choose their glitter colors and add them to the water. (You can discuss how the
glitter represents thoughts and worries that can swirl around in our minds.)
5. Before sealing the jars, have each person select a peace verse to roll up and place inside their jar
(laminate or cover with clear tape if you want it to remain readable in the water).
6. Securely glue the lids shut.
7. Demonstrate how shaking the jar creates chaos with the glitter swirling everywhere, but when you set
it down and watch, the glitter slowly settles, and the water becomes clear again.
8. Discuss how:
Our minds can be like the shaken jar when we're worried or upset
When we bring our concerns to God, He helps our thoughts "settle" like the glitter
We can use the peace jar as a timer for quiet moments with God when we feel anxious
9. Place the peace jars where family members can use them as visual reminders during anxious
moments.
Extended Activity: Create a "Peace Corner" in your home with comfortable pillows, the peace jars,
children's books about peace, and printed Scripture verses. Encourage family members to visit this space
when they need to find calm.
Lesson 4: Patience - Enduring with Grace
"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." - Ephesians 4:2
Biblical Understanding
The patience described as fruit of the Spirit encompasses two key aspects: patient endurance through
difficult circumstances and patient tolerance toward difficult people. The Greek word "makrothumia"
literally means "long-tempered" (the opposite of short-tempered)—suggesting the ability to hold your
response for an extended time before reacting.
God himself is described as "slow to anger" throughout Scripture (Exodus 34:6, Numbers 14:18, Psalm
103:8). Jesus demonstrated extraordinary patience with His disciples' repeated failures and with those
who opposed Him. Paul linked patience with hope, noting that "if we hope for what we do not yet have,
we wait for it patiently" (Romans 8:25).
In our instant-gratification culture, patience stands as a powerful counter-cultural witness. It reveals trust
in God's timing rather than demanding immediate results. It shows respect for others' growth processes
rather than expecting instant compliance. Patience doesn't mean passive acceptance of wrong but rather
a calm, steadfast persistence in doing right while waiting for God's purposes to unfold.
Practical Growth Steps
1. Identify Impatience Triggers: What consistently tests your patience—traffic, technology issues,
certain personality types? Awareness is the first step toward growth.
2. Create Response Plans: Develop specific strategies for high-trigger situations—perhaps deep
breathing, a quick prayer, or a memorized Scripture verse.
3. Practice Delayed Gratification: Intentionally postpone something you want (a purchase, an
entertainment option, etc.) to strengthen your "patience muscle."
4. Consider Others' Perspectives: When someone frustrates you, try to understand the story behind
their behavior. Compassion fosters patience.
5. Embrace Life's Waiting Rooms: Instead of viewing delays as interruptions, see them as divine
appointments for prayer, reflection, or unexpected conversations.
Personal Reflection Questions
In what areas of life do you find it most difficult to be patient? Why?
How has impatience negatively affected your relationships or decisions?
When have you seen God work through a situation precisely because of a delay?
How might your current frustrations look different if viewed through the lens of God's eternal
timeline?
What's the relationship between patience and trust in your experience?
Family Activity: Patience Plants
Materials Needed:
Small pots or cups
Potting soil
Fast-growing seeds (beans, grass, or marigolds work well)
Craft supplies for decorating pots
Watering can or spray bottle
Plant markers or popsicle sticks
Magnifying glass (optional)
Chart for recording growth
Instructions:
1. Gather the family and discuss what patience means. Read together James 5:7-8 about the farmer
waiting patiently for crops.
2. Give each family member a pot to decorate, along with a plant marker on which to write "Patience
Grows" or a Bible verse about patience.
3. Fill pots with soil and plant seeds according to package directions.
4. Create a simple chart for recording observations and measuring growth.
5. Establish a daily routine for:
Watering the plants appropriately
Observing any changes
Recording observations
Discussing how waiting for plants to grow is like developing patience in our lives
6. While waiting for the plants to sprout, discuss:
How the seeds are working even when we can't see them (like God often works behind the
scenes)
How forcing a plant to grow faster doesn't work (just like we can't rush some processes in life)
How consistent care produces results over time (like consistent faith during waiting periods)
7. When the plants finally sprout, celebrate together! Talk about how the waiting period was worthwhile
and how patience in other areas eventually bears fruit too.
Extended Activity: Research the growth cycle of your specific plant and create a journal with illustrations
showing what's happening beneath the soil even before sprouts appear. Use this as a metaphor for how
God works in unseen ways during waiting periods in our lives.
Lesson 5: Kindness - Extending God's Compassion
"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." -
Ephesians 4:32
Biblical Understanding
Kindness as a fruit of the Spirit goes beyond mere niceness or politeness. The Greek word "chrestotes"
indicates not only a gentle disposition but active goodness that seeks opportunities to benefit others.
This quality combines tenderness with strength, compassion with initiative.
God's kindness toward humanity serves as our model. Romans 2:4 indicates that "God's kindness is
intended to lead you to repentance," showing that divine kindness has redemptive purpose. Jesus
demonstrated kindness to those society rejected—touching lepers, dignifying women and children,
eating with tax collectors and sinners.
In a world often characterized by harshness and indifference, Spirit-produced kindness stands out
dramatically. It's not naive about evil but chooses to meet hardness with gentleness, offense with grace.
Kindness recognizes the image of God in every person and responds accordingly, regardless of whether
they "deserve" compassionate treatment.
Practical Growth Steps
1. Start at Home: Often we're kindest to strangers and harshest with family members. Practice
intentional kindness with those closest to you.
2. Develop Kindness Habits: Create regular practices—perhaps paying for the person behind you in
line, writing encouraging notes, or helping neighbors with yard work.
3. Address Unkind Speech: Monitor your words (including social media comments) for harshness,
sarcasm, or subtle cruelty. Replace cutting humor with encouraging language.
4. Extend Kindness to "Invisible" People: Notice and acknowledge those often overlooked—service
workers, maintenance staff, the elderly, the socially awkward.
5. Practice Self-Kindness: Treat yourself with the same compassion you would show others, avoiding
harsh self-criticism that depletes your capacity to show kindness outwardly.
Personal Reflection Questions
When have you been the recipient of unexpected kindness? How did it affect you?
What makes it difficult for you to show kindness to certain people or in certain situations?
How does God's kindness toward you serve as a model for your treatment of others?
In what ways might kindness be misinterpreted or taken advantage of? How can you be both kind
and wise?
How might regular kindness impact your witness to non-believers?
Family Activity: Kindness Challenges
Materials Needed:
Index cards or colorful paper
Container (jar, box, or basket)
Markers or pens
Small rewards (optional)
Camera for documenting acts of kindness (optional)
Instructions:
1. Gather the family and discuss what kindness means, sharing examples from your own experiences.
Read Ephesians 4:32 together.
2. Brainstorm age-appropriate acts of kindness for various contexts:
Home (helping siblings with chores, making someone's bed, leaving encouraging notes)
School/Work (including someone who's left out, helping with assignments, acknowledging
others' efforts)
Neighborhood (bringing in trash cans for elderly neighbors, leaving sidewalk chalk messages,
baking treats to share)
Community (thanking service workers, donating to food banks, picking up litter)
3. Write each idea on a separate card and place them in the container.
4. Each morning (or weekly), have family members draw a kindness challenge card. They'll have until the
end of the day (or week) to complete their challenge.
5. At dinner or another gathering time, share experiences:
What kindness challenge did you complete?
How did the recipient respond?
How did performing the act make you feel?
Did anything surprise you about the experience?
6. Discuss how these small acts reflect God's kindness toward us and how kindness can impact others
beyond the immediate moment.
Extended Activity: Create a family "Kindness Map" by placing pins or stickers on a local map where
family members have performed acts of kindness. Watch how your influence spreads throughout your
community over time.
Lesson 6: Goodness - Moral Excellence in Action
"For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of
the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth)." - Ephesians 5:8-9
Biblical Understanding
Goodness as a fruit of the Spirit refers to moral excellence that benefits others. The Greek word
"agathosune" indicates active goodness—not just avoiding wrong but energetically pursuing right. This
quality combines both being good and doing good.
God is described as the very definition of goodness (Psalm 34:8, 100:5, 119:68). Jesus went about "doing
good and healing all who were under the power of the devil" (Acts 10:38), demonstrating that goodness
confronts evil with redemptive action. In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus challenged His followers to let
their "light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven"
(Matthew 5:16).
While our culture often relativizes goodness ("what's good for you might not be good for me"), biblical
goodness is anchored in God's unchanging character and commands. It seeks not only personal moral
purity but the welfare of others and society. Goodness requires courage—standing for what's right even
when unpopular and confronting injustice rather than remaining silent.
Practical Growth Steps
1. Examine Your Moral Foundation: What determines your understanding of good and evil? Align
your moral compass with Scripture rather than shifting cultural values.
2. Confront Character Weaknesses: Identify specific areas where you struggle morally and develop
accountability and spiritual disciplines to strengthen these areas.
3. Actively Oppose Evil: Move beyond passive disapproval of wrongdoing to appropriate action—
whether addressing systemic injustice or confronting harmful behavior in relationships.
4. Cultivate Good Habits: Establish regular practices of generosity, honesty, and integrity that build
moral muscle memory.
5. Seek the Good of Others: Look for practical ways to contribute to others' physical, emotional, and
spiritual well-being.
Personal Reflection Questions
How would you define the difference between being "nice" and being "good"?
In what situations do you find it most challenging to stand for what's right?
How does your understanding of God's goodness shape your own moral choices?
What societal evil particularly concerns you, and how might you actively oppose it?
How can you pursue goodness without falling into self-righteousness or judgmentalism?
Family Activity: Heroes of Goodness
Materials Needed:
Large poster board or bulletin board
Magazines, newspapers, computer with printer
Scissors, glue, markers
Bible
Instructions:
1. Begin by discussing what goodness means, differentiating it from just being "nice" or "polite." Read
Ephesians 5:8-9 together.
2. Explain that your family will create a "Heroes of Goodness" board featuring:
Biblical examples of goodness (Joseph, Ruth, Daniel, Esther, Dorcas, etc.)
Historical figures who demonstrated moral excellence and courage
Community heroes who actively pursue good and oppose evil
Family members and friends who exemplify goodness
3. For each hero:
Find or draw a picture
Write a brief description of how they demonstrated goodness
Include a relevant Bible verse if applicable
Discuss what specific aspect of their goodness you can emulate
4. Place the completed board in a prominent location in your home.
5. Each week, add a new "Goodness Hero" to the board and discuss:
What made this person's actions truly good, not just nice?
What opposition or sacrifice did they face to do the right thing?
How did their goodness benefit others?
What specific quality of theirs can we practice this week?
Extended Activity: Create "Goodness in Action" cards for each family member with specific, age-
appropriate ways they can demonstrate active goodness in different contexts (home, school, sports,
church, etc.). Review periodically to celebrate growth and add new challenges.
Lesson 7: Faithfulness - Unwavering Commitment
"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I
will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'" - Matthew 25:21
Biblical Understanding
Faithfulness as a fruit of the Spirit refers to reliability, trustworthiness, and loyal commitment—both to
God and to others. The Greek word "pistis" indicates steadfast adherence to promises and responsibilities,
regardless of difficulty or changing circumstances.
God is repeatedly described as faithful throughout Scripture (Deuteronomy 7:9, Psalm 36:5, 1 Corinthians
1:9, 1 Thessalonians 5:24). Even "if we are faithless, he remains faithful" (2 Timothy 2:13). Jesus
demonstrated perfect faithfulness to His Father's will, persevering all the way to the cross.
In a culture of disposable commitments and conditional loyalties, faithfulness stands as a powerful
testimony. It demonstrates integrity when promises are kept despite inconvenience. It builds trust when
responsibilities are fulfilled consistently over time. Faithfulness shows up when it would be easier to walk
away and keeps working when immediate results aren't visible.
Practical Growth Steps
1. Audit Your Commitments: Review your current responsibilities and promises. Are you trying to be
faithful in too many areas, resulting in divided loyalty? Or are you avoiding commitment altogether?
2. Develop Habits of Reliability: Practice punctuality, follow through on small promises, and
communicate proactively when you genuinely cannot fulfill a commitment.
3. Cultivate Spiritual Consistency: Establish sustainable rhythms of Bible reading, prayer, and worship
rather than oscillating between intense devotion and complete neglect.
4. Value Faithfulness Over Success: Redefine "victory" as consistent obedience rather than visible
achievement. Celebrate small acts of daily faithfulness.
5. Learn from Biblical Models: Study characters like Ruth, Daniel, and Timothy who exemplified
faithfulness in challenging circumstances.
Personal Reflection Questions
In what areas of your life do you find it easiest to be faithful? Most difficult?
How has God demonstrated His faithfulness to you personally?
What societal factors make sustained faithfulness particularly challenging today?
How might focusing on God's faithfulness strengthen your own commitment?
What legacy of faithfulness would you like to leave for future generations?
Family Activity: Faithfulness Chain
Materials Needed:
Colored paper strips (about 1" x 8")
Markers, stickers, or other decorating supplies
Stapler or tape
Bible
Calendar or planner
Instructions:
1. Gather the family and discuss what faithfulness means. Read together Proverbs 3:3 or Lamentations
3:22-23 about faithfulness.
2. Explain that your family will create a visual reminder of faithfulness through a paper chain that grows
over time.
3. Choose a specific area where your family wants to practice collective faithfulness for 30 days. This
might be:
Daily family prayer or devotions
Showing kindness to each other
Environmental stewardship (recycling, conserving energy)
Serving others
Practicing gratitude
4. Create a starter chain with seven links, each containing a Bible verse about faithfulness.
5. Each day that your family successfully completes your faithfulness commitment:
Gather to add a new link to the chain
On the link, write the date and a brief note about how you practiced faithfulness
Celebrate your growing chain of faithful days
Read one of the Scripture links as a reminder of God's faithfulness
6. If you miss a day, don't break the chain! Instead, add a different colored link with a note about:
What made faithfulness difficult that day
What you learned from the experience
How God's faithfulness continues even when ours falters
7. At the end of 30 days, display your faithfulness chain and discuss:
What helped you remain faithful to your commitment?
How did faithfulness become easier with practice?
What did you learn about God's faithfulness during this time?
Extended Activity: Create a "Faithfulness Hall of Fame" featuring family stories of relatives who
demonstrated remarkable faithfulness—perhaps grandparents who stayed married through difficult
times, family members who maintained faith despite persecution, or examples of professional and
personal integrity across generations.
Lesson 8: Gentleness - Strength Under Control
"Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest
for your souls." - Matthew 11:29
Biblical Understanding
Gentleness as a fruit of the Spirit is often misunderstood as weakness or passivity. The Greek word
"prautes" actually conveys the idea of power under control—like a wild horse that has been tamed,
retaining its strength but now channeling that strength constructively under the rider's guidance.
Jesus described Himself as "gentle and humble in heart" (Matthew 11:29), yet this same Jesus forcefully
cleared the temple and confronted religious hypocrisy. His gentleness wasn't weakness but strength
expressed appropriately. Paul instructs believers to correct opponents "with gentleness" (2 Timothy 2:25)
and to restore those caught in sin "gently" (Galatians 6:1), showing that gentleness is especially important
in potentially confrontational situations.
In our aggressive culture that often equates forcefulness with effectiveness, gentleness offers a powerful
alternative. It shows security rather than insecurity (those most aware of their strength can afford to be
gentle). It creates safety for vulnerable people. It persuades where harshness would repel. Gentleness
doesn't avoid truth but presents truth in a way that can be received.
Practical Growth Steps
1. Examine Your Communication: Review recent conversations, emails, or social media posts. Does
your communication style reflect gentleness, or do you rely on force, intellectual intimidation, or
emotional intensity?
2. Practice Gentle Responses: When faced with provocation, experiment with calm, measured
responses rather than matching the other person's intensity.
3. Consider Physical Gentleness: Be mindful of your physical presence—tone of voice, volume,
gestures, and touch—especially with those who might find you intimidating.
4. Balance Truth and Tone: When sharing difficult truth or feedback, pay attention not only to what
you say but how you say it, recognizing that delivery affects reception.
5. Learn From Gentle People: Identify and observe individuals who effectively combine strength with
gentleness. What specific behaviors could you emulate?
Personal Reflection Questions
How does our culture typically view gentleness, especially in men? How does this differ from the
biblical view?
When have you experienced the impact of someone else's gentleness during a difficult time?
In what relationships or situations do you find it most challenging to be gentle?
How might gentleness strengthen rather than weaken your leadership or influence?
What's the relationship between gentleness and confidence in your experience?
Family Activity: Gentle Hands Challenge
Materials Needed:
Raw eggs (one per family member)
Permanent markers
Small towels or bowl of water for cleanup
Bible
Various household items requiring gentle handling
Instructions:
1. Gather the family and discuss what gentleness means, emphasizing that it's not weakness but
"strength under control." Read Matthew 11:29 together.
2. Give each family member a raw egg and explain that for this activity, the egg represents something
or someone fragile that needs gentle handling.
3. Have everyone use markers to draw a face on their egg and give it a name.
4. Challenge family members to carry their egg with them throughout a designated time period (a few
hours or a full day), treating it gently and protecting it from harm.
5. Establish rules:
The egg must stay with you at all times
It can't be set down or abandoned
It must be included in your activities
If your egg breaks, clean it up immediately (but continue the activity with a new egg if possible)
6. Throughout the designated time period, pause for "gentleness check-ins" where family members
share:
How they're protecting their egg
Challenges they've faced being gentle
Strategies they've developed for careful handling
7. After the activity, gather to see whose eggs survived. Discuss:
What made it difficult to be consistently gentle?
How did having to be gentle affect your other activities?
In what ways do we need to be gentle with people's feelings, hopes, and faith?
How does God demonstrate gentleness with us when we are fragile?
Extended Activity: Create a list of situations that require gentleness (helping someone who is hurt,
discussing sensitive topics, handling precious objects, etc.). Role-play these scenarios, practicing gentle
words, touches, and attitudes. Discuss the difference between being gentle and being timid or ineffective.
Lesson 9: Self-Control - Mastering Desires and Impulses
"For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say 'No' to
ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present
age." - Titus 2:11-12
Biblical Understanding
Self-control as a fruit of the Spirit is the ability to govern one's desires, emotions, and actions rather than
being controlled by them. The Greek word "egkrateia" suggests mastery over oneself—the spiritual
discipline of bringing every aspect of life under the Holy Spirit's influence.
Throughout Scripture, self-control is portrayed as essential for spiritual growth. Proverbs frequently warns
about the dangers of lacking self-control (Proverbs 25:28, 29:11). Paul compared the Christian life to
athletic training, which requires strict discipline (1 Corinthians 9:24-27). Peter urged believers to add self-
control to their faith as part of spiritual maturation (2 Peter 1:5-8).
In our culture of instant gratification that encourages us to "follow our hearts" and "do what feels good,"
Spirit-empowered self-control stands as a radical alternative. It recognizes that freedom isn't the absence
of constraints but the ability to choose what's best rather than what's immediately pleasurable. Self-
control enables us to say "yes" to God's purposes and "no" to distractions and temptations that would
derail our spiritual growth and effectiveness.
Practical Growth Steps
1. Identify Your Weak Areas: Honestly assess where you struggle most with self-control—perhaps
eating, anger, screen time, spending, or sexual temptation. These areas require focused attention and
specific strategies.
2. Create Helpful Boundaries: Establish protective guardrails in vulnerable areas. This might mean
internet filters, accountability partnerships, spending limits, or environmental changes that reduce
temptation.
3. Practice Small Disciplines: Build self-control through daily exercises in saying "no" to small desires.
These "training sessions" strengthen your ability to resist larger temptations.
4. Develop Delay Capacity: When faced with a desire or impulse, practice waiting periods before
acting. This interrupts automatic responses and creates space for wiser choices.
5. Focus on Replacement, Not Just Removal: Rather than merely trying to stop negative behaviors,
intentionally cultivate positive alternatives that fulfill deeper needs in healthier ways.
Personal Reflection Questions
In what areas of your life do you find it most difficult to maintain self-control? Why?
How has lack of self-control negatively impacted your life or witness in the past?
What connection do you see between self-control and freedom in your experience?
How does the Holy Spirit specifically help you exercise self-control?
What's the relationship between self-control and the other fruits of the Spirit?
Family Activity: Self-Control Stoplight
Materials Needed:
Green, yellow, and red construction paper
Scissors
Glue or tape
Markers or pens
Popsicle sticks (optional)
Bible
Treats for self-control practice (small candies, cookies, etc.)
Instructions:
1. Gather the family and discuss what self-control means. Read Proverbs 25:28 together about how
someone without self-control is like a city with broken walls.
2. Create "Self-Control Stoplights" by cutting out green, yellow, and red circles and attaching them to
paper or popsicle sticks.
3. Explain the meaning of each color:
Green: "Go ahead" - Actions that are always okay
Yellow: "Wait and think" - Actions that require careful consideration
Red: "Stop" - Actions that should be avoided
4. As a family, brainstorm examples for each category:
Green examples: Showing kindness, telling the truth, helping others
Yellow examples: Using screens, eating treats, expressing frustration
Red examples: Hitting when angry, taking things without asking, saying hurtful words
5. Practice using the stoplights with role-play scenarios appropriate to your children's ages:
"Your brother takes your toy without asking."
"You're offered a second dessert when you've already had one."
"You're feeling bored and want to interrupt your parent's conversation."
"You see a friend being teased on the playground."
6. For each scenario, family members hold up the color they think applies and discuss:
Why did you choose that color?
What would self-control look like in this situation?
What might happen if you don't use self-control?
7. End with a self-control practice: Place treats in front of each family member with the instruction that
they can eat them after waiting five minutes. During the waiting time, discuss:
How does it feel to wait when you want something right away?
What strategies help you practice self-control?
How does God help us develop self-control?
Extended Activity: Create a "Self-Control Challenge Calendar" with a different small self-control
challenge for each day of the month (waiting 30 minutes after asking for something, speaking in an inside
voice all day, saving a portion of allowance, etc.). Check in daily to celebrate successes and discuss
challenges.
